Friday, January 28, 2011

Life is Hard

I wish today's post was something funny or even trivial but it's not. My heart is just not in it.

Several years ago my Dad was diagnosed with a certain type of cancer. He had surgery where they did an implant and we thought, "Okay..that's that. What's the chance it'll return?" He regularly sees a slew of doctors...for his heart and this and several other things. And if you read here often, you know that I love few people more than I love my Momma and Daddy. They would do anything for me and I feel the same way about them. If I could give my left arm to save one of them, I would instead offer my entire torso. I would be nothing without the two of them and the unconditional love they have always surrounded me with growing up.

Daddy had a hard life growing up. Not poverty hard, although sometimes I have wondered because he grew up on a farm. A working farm. He would get up before sunrise to work and then go to school and come home and work until the sun went down. I always knew that he had never exaggerated about working so hard. It has taken a toll on his body. When I was in elementary school he had an accident where he fell and couldn't walk for what felt like months. Shortly after I got married, he suffered a massive heart attack and wasn't expected to survive. He's had two by-pass surgeries, he has a trifibulator, he's suffered a stroke, has an artificial valve in his heart... the list could possibly go on and on. When he was in his fifties, his doctor told him he had the body of a man more in his seventies (if I am remembering correctly). When you read things that make life on a ranch or farm seem romantic, the reality is that it's hard work and eventually takes its toll. Daddy turns 74 in a couple of months.

Right now - I am mad. Or maybe angry. I just don't understand why life has to be so hard as you get older. Why are there so many things that bring us sadness? I know my Daddy - this has got to be consuming his every thought right now. Momma said he doesn't want to talk. This on top of the heart problems that she's having right now - I just wonder sometimes how much are we really supposed to endure? I know that God never gives us more than we can handle... but right now, all of this is simply too much.

So now maybe I don't feel so mad. I am off to have a good cry and some prayer time and some chicken nuggets...in exactly that order.

1 comment:

The Source said...

You are so blessed to have such closeness with both of your parents. I'm sorry that things are so tough right now...I understand how it feels to watch loved ones suffer. It seems so unfair. Please know my prayers are with you! And with your parents, too.