I wish today's post was something funny or even trivial but it's not. My heart is just not in it.
Several years ago my Dad was diagnosed with a certain type of cancer. He had surgery where they did an implant and we thought, "Okay..that's that. What's the chance it'll return?" He regularly sees a slew of doctors...for his heart and this and several other things. And if you read here often, you know that I love few people more than I love my Momma and Daddy. They would do anything for me and I feel the same way about them. If I could give my left arm to save one of them, I would instead offer my entire torso. I would be nothing without the two of them and the unconditional love they have always surrounded me with growing up.
Daddy had a hard life growing up. Not poverty hard, although sometimes I have wondered because he grew up on a farm. A working farm. He would get up before sunrise to work and then go to school and come home and work until the sun went down. I always knew that he had never exaggerated about working so hard. It has taken a toll on his body. When I was in elementary school he had an accident where he fell and couldn't walk for what felt like months. Shortly after I got married, he suffered a massive heart attack and wasn't expected to survive. He's had two by-pass surgeries, he has a trifibulator, he's suffered a stroke, has an artificial valve in his heart... the list could possibly go on and on. When he was in his fifties, his doctor told him he had the body of a man more in his seventies (if I am remembering correctly). When you read things that make life on a ranch or farm seem romantic, the reality is that it's hard work and eventually takes its toll. Daddy turns 74 in a couple of months.
Right now - I am mad. Or maybe angry. I just don't understand why life has to be so hard as you get older. Why are there so many things that bring us sadness? I know my Daddy - this has got to be consuming his every thought right now. Momma said he doesn't want to talk. This on top of the heart problems that she's having right now - I just wonder sometimes how much are we really supposed to endure? I know that God never gives us more than we can handle... but right now, all of this is simply too much.
So now maybe I don't feel so mad. I am off to have a good cry and some prayer time and some chicken nuggets...in exactly that order.