Saturday, August 29, 2009

Knowing the Desires of Your Heart

I've spent the past two days at a simulcast. Beth Moore, whom I've mentioned here before, did a simulcast that was broadcast to 45 states - to 8 countries - to more than 116 churches nationwide to discuss knowing the desires of your heart. It was heart-warming - no pun intended - and an awesome eye-opening experience!

It was an opportunity to spend 2 1/2 hours last night and then 4 hours this morning basking in the word of God. Being the note-taker that I am, I took lots of notes. Things that spoke to my spirit - that resonated within my soul. I hope to take the time the next few days and really revisit the wisdom that was shared these hours. I'm hoping to apply them to my life.

That being said - I'm going to post the NIV version of Psalm 37 - it was the focus of our weekend of worship.

Psalm 37
1 [a] Do not fret because of evil men or be envious of those who do wrong;
2 for like the grass they will soon wither, like green plants they will soon die away.
3 Trust in the LORD and do good; dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture.
4 Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart.
5 Commit your way to the LORD; trust in him and he will do this:
6 He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn, the justice of your cause like the noonday sun.
7 Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him; do not fret when men succeed in their ways, when they carry out their wicked schemes.
8 Refrain from anger and turn from wrath; do not fret—it leads only to evil.
9 For evil men will be cut off, but those who hope in the LORD will inherit the land.
10 A little while, and the wicked will be no more; though you look for them, they will not be found.
11 But the meek will inherit the land and enjoy great peace.
12 The wicked plot against the righteous and gnash their teeth at them;
13 but the Lord laughs at the wicked, for he knows their day is coming.
14 The wicked draw the sword and bend the bow to bring down the poor and needy, to slay those whose ways are upright.
15 But their swords will pierce their own hearts, and their bows will be broken.
16 Better the little that the righteous have than the wealth of many wicked;
17 for the power of the wicked will be broken, but the LORD upholds the righteous.
18 The days of the blameless are known to the LORD, and their inheritance will endure forever.
19 In times of disaster they will not wither; in days of famine they will enjoy plenty.
20 But the wicked will perish: The LORD's enemies will be like the beauty of the fields, they will vanish—vanish like smoke.
21 The wicked borrow and do not repay, but the righteous give generously;
22 those the LORD blesses will inherit the land, but those he curses will be cut off.
23 If the LORD delights in a man's way, he makes his steps firm;
24 though he stumble, he will not fall, for the LORD upholds him with his hand.
25 I was young and now I am old, yet I have never seen the righteous forsaken or their children begging bread.
26 They are always generous and lend freely; their children will be blessed.
27 Turn from evil and do good; then you will dwell in the land forever.
28 For the LORD loves the just and will not forsake his faithful ones. They will be protected forever, but the offspring of the wicked will be cut off;
29 the righteous will inherit the land and dwell in it forever.
30 The mouth of the righteous man utters wisdom, and his tongue speaks what is just.
31 The law of his God is in his heart; his feet do not slip.
32 The wicked lie in wait for the righteous, seeking their very lives;
33 but the LORD will not leave them in their power or let them be condemned when brought to trial.
34 Wait for the LORD and keep his way. He will exalt you to inherit the land; when the wicked are cut off, you will see it.
35 I have seen a wicked and ruthless man flourishing like a green tree in its native soil,
36 but he soon passed away and was no more; though I looked for him, he could not be found.
37 Consider the blameless, observe the upright; there is a future [b] for the man of peace.
38 But all sinners will be destroyed; the future [c] of the wicked will be cut off.
39 The salvation of the righteous comes from the LORD; he is their stronghold in time of trouble.
40 The LORD helps them and delivers them; he delivers them from the wicked and saves them, because they take refuge in him.

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Getting into a routine

We seem to have established our routine here at home as far as school being back in session for The Bug. Mornings are pretty much the norm. I wish we did a better job about bedtimes - we seem to always be late in my opinion.

The school system has already sent a letter home about confirmed flu cases in the school. Lovely. Two weeks into school - we are sick. One of the universities here has also reported 100 students with the flu - this seems awfully early to me to deal with the flu.

I decided to drop my classes at state. There are times when I'll think - what am I doing? Will I ever finish up? One of the deciding factors - well a few of them - I'm having some health issues that I'm having to see the doctor about. I discovered that NONE of my placements would be close to home. In fact, the middle and high schools in my area aren't even in their directory. So yesterday I went and did some research. I went to two local private universities to discuss their programs. One was extremely helpful - very informative - they have a program for adult learners and it sounded really interesting. The downfall - the tuition. With my GPA I qualify for our state's HOPE scholarship - they don't grant it in the beginning though -you have to earn 12 hours. That's a hefty chunk of change... The other one - well they were less than informative - in fact, I didn't get any warm and fuzzies while I was there. It's the one school that just feels like they are the big cheese I guess. Funny - she made a comment about state schools and how hard it was to get into the program where I just was at - I didn't say a word. Obviously I'm really not worried about getting into a program - I just need to figure out where I'm going to be.

I mentioned to my mother this morning that if my next venture doesn't work, I'm going to just do something else. I am going to another university tomorrow to meet with the head of their department. I couldn't enroll there until January - which makes me nervous about waiting - but it's a high need area which means a better chance of a job. It's not far from home. I'd get my scholarship from day one. The classes are later in the day but not too late. I am thinking about looking for a real job until classes begin - I just need to make sure where it is that I'm going to be until then.

I think I'm going to start walking in the mornings. I started to head out this morning but something came up. I'm thinking about hitting the pavement here after I get back from driving her to school. I think it would be good for me - and my heart - not to mention my health. It couldn't hurt - it could only make things better. I haven't been doing as well with my weight as I was this time last year.

Thursday, August 20, 2009


Well, why does it seem like I am always quitting something? Because guess what?.....

We had a long talk tonight. The drive would actually require me to leave home no less than 90 minutes before I have to be at the school. Still no reply from anybody with any information. My frustration just seemed to keep building and building today until I nearly fell apart in the car. That was after I found it - because with everything that happened today, I could NOT remember which floor I had parked on in the garage. How's that for fun???

I am going to try again to contact the coordinator who does the placements for the program. I want to know why she told me in my interview that 99% of students get placed in the district they request. I want to know what my chances are of getting some sort of change. Or what my chances are that, if there is a change made, that this won't happen to me again. Because if we can't work this out, it's not going to work out for me.

I called another university tonight where their recruiter has actively contacted me over the past couple of years. Their campus is closer. Sure there are some night classes - but none that would require me to be in danger when it comes to coming home. We'll see where they do their placements... when their classes begin. We'll see.

I'm not sure if I'll bother going to the lecture tomorrow ... I can already feel myself heading towards dropping the classes. Maybe the best thing for all of us would be if I get a job until the New Year comes along. Tomorrow is the last day to drop where you get a complete refund...and since I don't have the hope, this will just send my loan back to the government.

I'll keep you posted...


So today I found out my first five weeks placement. I have to travel to a school that is 45 minutes away from home. Not excited about this AT ALL. I emailed the person over the assignments, figuring that it could not hurt to try to figure out if something could be changed. What could it hurt? There's a school that might be closer to home. I am so over it though - first few days of school and we are all overwhelmed at this stage. Was this a mistake?

I emailed the head of the program where I graduated last year. I want to find out if they accept students into a program after a new year has started. I'll be fine this semester - it's only 15 weeks of placement somewhere but I would certainly rather be at a school that is closer to home. I looked into a few other programs. But I feel like I'm on the verge of tears and very unhappy right now.

Hubs is at a meeting finding out when his furlough days are going to be. There are something like 8 or 10 of them. 3 are before the end of the year. The rest will have to be completed by June 2010. When it rains it pours.

Financial Aid has rejected my hope scholarship for some reason. I need to go and find them to see what the deal is. Maybe it's a sign?

Pray for me....