Monday, July 13, 2009

Where Do You Decide to Compromise Your Life?

I am the only one 'technically' still awake her in slackerville. Hubs is asleep as he has been working extremely long hours lately...and starts a class that they've really been pushing for him to take (at work)...more on that at another time. The Bug is asleep...well because I'm the Mommy and I say so. She's probably up there thinking how boring... I have no idea where the cat is ... and this is odd because she is my little stalker. I cannot make one move without her knowing it.

Oh, I just looked behind me.. she is curled up by a table between the windows - using one of my random shoes as a pillow. She likes to use my stuff as her pillow. I am loved...

Okay, on to the topic for the night/day. When do you decide to compromise your own personal belief system in order to be happy? Like, let's say you swear up and down that you won't drink...and yet you socialize with people who guzzle alcohol like water. Or you decide not to smoke, but you surround yourself with people who burn it like a chimney stack? You say you won't swear, but your nearest and dearest could make the guys who work on the Deadliest Catch blush. You get the gist, right?

Like can you honestly think it's healthy to be in a relationship with someone who does not have the same morals or beliefs that you have? Meaning to say if you believe in God - and you choose to be in a relationship with someone who 'worships' the opposite... where do you compromise your morals and values to convince yourself that this is healthy? Where do you draw the line and stand firmly by it and where do you decide it's okay if the line is smudged and you just ignore it? Where do you decide to set aside YOURSELF, thinking that this person is ALL that you want and will ever NEED? I can remember having a Sunday School teacher once who was talking to one of the teenage girls before our class started. Ms. Bonnie told this girl that you should never date someone that you would not consider marrying. Because if they aren't marriage material, you should not basically compromise yourself.

And secondly... today I heard that apparently my BIL's brother and sister are like second parents to my niece and nephew. EXCUSE ME? Where were they when the kids were little and my sister didn't have money to buy diapers or groceries? Where were they when she needed someone to talk to in the middle of the night because things had gone so wrong? Where were they when all of this crap was going on???? Where were they when I was busting all over town trying to plan a bridal shower and a bridesmaid's luncheon? Where were they when my niece was sick? Or my nephew had football, baseball or soccer games? Chorus concerts? Not that I think that I am any better than them...but I'll be darned if that statement didn't hurt. Don't worry...it wasn't said directly to me.... it was said in casual conversation with my niece and mother - because my sister had made that statement apparently.

You know, I worry constantly that something will happen to us and someone will have to raise The Bug. Financially I know that my parents could and would do it - they only worry about keeping up with her school work but she's such a good student that I never have to help her so I know she'd be fine. With the mess that's become my sister's life - there is just no way I would feel comfortable putting The Bug in that situation. I have a wonderful Aunt who has no children of her own - but I don't know how that would work. I have a cousin who is more like an Aunt who lives near here and I know she would love and take better care of my daughter like she was her own. Hubs family is out of the question. We haven't seen his sister in over 12 years and that's the only true family he has.

Anyway, that's where my mind is right now. And I'm still waiting on word of whether or not I've been accepted into the COE program. I think I've gained some weight - well, okay I know I've gained some weight and I'm not happy about that. I'm going to miss Hubs while he takes his class. School starts back in 4 weeks. Summer is just rushing by and time is ticking while I sit here moving in slow motion. I don't want to be bitter about what my sister said - but I am so tired of being the responsible one who has to handle everything. I am tired of feeling like I'm disposable. I guess if his family actually liked her she'd throw me, Mom and Daddy away in a heartbeat. I have got to distance myself from this mess and get over it - otherwise it might make me loony!

What about you? How does your family drive you crazy?

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