Saturday, January 17, 2015

Wow... it's been a long time

I sat down tonight with the idea to see what was up with some of my old favorite blogs. Made me realize it has been a really long time.

A lot has changed in this time frame. A lot has stayed the same. I am still married to the husband. Not by choice. We cannot seem to come to terms for the divorce. The daughter lives with me and we live a nice, comfortable life. She's a senior and heading off to college in the fall. Then I will really be an 'empty nester'.

I'm still teaching - I think that's what I was doing last time I wrote. Love my job. Love my students. They are the highlight of my day - kids say the funniest things! I've joked for a couple of years that I'm sure there's enough material from doing this to write a best seller.

I want to move. Really far away. I don't see that happening, but I do like to imagine myself somewhere else but here in the house alone when she leaves. She's so busy now with school and guard and life that she's barely home as it is and I don't need that spare time on my hands to get into any sort of trouble or mess that I cannot get out of.... so I think moving would be a great distraction. I want to put the house on the market soon - been talking to a realtor. I just need a change.

Not everything has been 'hum drum'. I laugh. I cry. I get up early in the morning for a job that I love. I get to still peek in at the sleeping beauty who doesn't need me nearly as much as I need her these days. We still have the cat. And Peace. No drama. No fighting. No deception.

So why am I not happy? When does happy get to return to my life? Probably when I stop making mistakes that lead me down the unhappy trail. (I know this makes no sense - just bare with me...)

So let's see if I can continue the blogging after being gone for so long. Next post, I promise to be much more upbeat.

Slacker Mom

Saturday, June 22, 2013

It's Been a Long Time...

I'm sitting here doing some paperwork on the computer, and I thought about my blog. My poor, neglected blog. A place where I used to come and share about the events of my family. Just the general 'what's happening' sort of stuff. A lot has changed in a year....

First, I am teaching full-time. I love it. Or rather, I'm on summer break, but I have a job that I'm going back to in the fall. I love my job and I find it challenging, which is a good thing. It's in an elementary school - which is my comfort zone - so I am happy.

The Bug is still involved in Color Guard. In fact, she's one of the captains now. She's going to be a Junior in the fall - where does the time go? - and will hopefully get her driver's license before Christmas is here. She's grown into such a beautiful, caring young lady. She is hilarious and sweet and funny and sassy - all of those things that make having a teenage daughter a joy.

Hubs and I are - well - separated. Remember a few years ago when something was going on and I took a break from blogging? Well, that thing was our marriage. It hasn't gotten any better and if anything, is only worse. I am disappointed in him for how he chose to handle what he felt were our problems and I'm even more disappointed in him for how he has chosen to handle his relationship with The Bug. He hardly sees her - which is not okay with me although she says hardly anything about him at this point. I won't go into details here, but just thought I'd put this out there to the universe.

I am buying the house - which I hope is a good thing - from him. So that life can remain as normal as possible for the two of us until she graduates from high school. I'm excited about being able to remodel and do things that I've always wanted to do but nervous, too. It should be quite an adventure. My first 'assignment' is going to be the dining room floor - I ripped up the carpet a few weeks ago and am searching for flooring now that matches the kitchen. Fun times ahead and it will be good to keep me busy.

So that's it from my corner of the universe. Hopefully there is smooth sailing ahead.

Thursday, June 28, 2012

Keep on Keeping on

The past couple of days have been productive. I've managed to make myself (I had originally typed 'get') rid of a lot of things that are cluttering up my life. I've gone through closets and drawers. Cleaned under beds. Made some decisions and driven to the local donation center before I could change my mind. It feels much better. Now I am working on the worse room - the bonus room - aka the craft room from Hades. I have just let this room get worse and worse so late last night I walked through the door and sat down with two huge black trash bags. One for trash - one for donations. I'm making progress - it's slow progress - but still I am working my way into the room.

I know one thing that definitely has to go. I have an old arm chair from the furniture we used to have in the living room that I moved up there a few summers ago. It has long since seen its better days and I have to figure out a way to get it downstairs and to the local landfill. That will free up a lot of space. I think the matching ottoman may be in there as well - so it will go along for the ride.

I have too much craft stuff. Way too much. I didn't think that was a possible statement until I started working in there. I have fabric. Felt. Stickers. Paper. Markers. You name it - it's probably somewhere within that room. A lot of things I've held on to thinking I could use them in my classroom - but then again, I didn't take them in for the last 5 months of school - so will I really use them if I have another classroom in the fall? I have made myself throw away a good deal of the craft stuff that I feel just isn't where I am anymore as a crafter. I've come across a ton of pictures. I need to organize them all when this is finished. I'm even considering trying digital scrapbooking and having the books printed rather than thinking I'll actually create the pages myself. I wish The Bug and her friends were interested in scrapbooking - I could let them use up so much of the supply and then I would definitely feel better about it all.

My goal for the rest of the week is to continue getting rid of the clutter in there and then going back to the other rooms and putting everything back in its place. I figure Rome wasn't built in a day - it's not going to happen overnight - but I will never let this happen again. No matter how busy I was with student teaching and my sponsoring teacher having the nervous breakdown and leaving it all to me... I will never put taking care of what's important at home on the back burner. This is my home. My sanctuary. It deserved better.

Now, if only I could talk my husband into getting a pool. :)

Monday, June 25, 2012

Isn't it funny how people set out to do soul searching and the paths that they take to get to that result? For me... it involves deep cleaning my house. Going through each room armed with a box of black trash bags and a resolve to get rid of the stuff that seems to be cluttering up my life.

I recently read an article online about organization that said we wear 20% of our clothing 80% of the time. Read that sentence again. We are only really wearing 20% of the cloths that we own....almost all of the time! I am guilty of this. I have my 'favorite things' that I am always wearing. They are comfortable. They make me feel comfortable. This is something that I want to challenge myself about to see if it is definitely true and to see what I can do about it.

In my soul searching quiet time I have thought over a lot of things. Why am I the way I am? Why do I let things 'pile up' - as is the case with our guest room - it has become the dumping ground for everything lately that I've not wanted to deal with, put away or find a new home for items.So today my goal is to tackle this room. I want it to be in some sort of semi-order by the time my husband gets home from work today. I want to be able to sit back and relax with the family rather than thinking, 'wow, you really should go and clean up that room!'.

Summer is at the half-way point here. In four weeks The Bug has to report to camp. Then the insanity of a new school year begins. I'm not sure where I will be teaching, or even if I'll be teaching, this fall. My part-time position at the local elementary school ended at the end of the school year. I'm a little nervous about this - but grateful for the pay check that I'll continue to receive until the end of August. At this point, I am praying about it and trying to leave it at the foot of the cross. Why is it easier to pick it up and worry about it rather than leaving it for God to deal with and show me what I really need to do? I've been doing a lot of soul searching about this lately -

but that's a post for another day.

Wednesday, June 6, 2012

She said I Do....

With some of the bridesmaids

This past weekend my niece got married . It was like something out of a fairy venue was amazing. Her gown was unbelievable. The bridesmaids were gorgeous. The groom cried when he saw her walking down the aisle. It was a dream come true for so many of us. I wanted to share a few pictures while I'm still in recovery mode....
The waiting is the worst part ...

Thursday, March 15, 2012

I'm Going to Run Away...

My friend asked me tonight why I never update my blog... so I thought I'd take a few moments to catch up.

Sometimes I think I'd just like to hop in the car and drive away. Not for the long term...just for a short-term absence. Go some place, check into a hotel near the beach and be lazy. Sleep in all morning. Walk on the beach at night. Watch television. Doesn't that sound good sometimes?

Instead I have been working. Part-time. Teaching. I love my students. They are the same group I did my student teaching with and some of them were there when I did my first block of practicum a couple of years ago. They leave me notes on my desk about how much they love me and how they wish they could come home with me. It has been awesome.

The Bug is busy with Winter Guard. Which I guess is like a dance team...with rifles and flags. She is on the rifle line... and loves it. I would have never thought my daughter was a dancer... until I see her perform. She is a dancer. She has found her passion. I am so glad she's found that 'thing' so many kids seem to search for in high school.

So until the next time.... or until I write you from the beach :)

Sunday, January 8, 2012

I've Finally Figured It Out

Today at church my class had a lesson about how media can be used for good. We talked about all different types of media: facebook, youtube, email, twitter, blogging, tv, radio, and the list could go on and on. I shared some personal stories and they did, too. I told the girls that I blog but I have never shared with them my blog address and I have asked that my daughter does not share it either. For me, this is personal and something that I feel is very private - at least for this time in my life.

So we left church and my daughter and I were discussing the lesson on the way to the gas station - because the new car was almost out of gas - and how media seems to consume our lives whether for good or bad purposes. I thought about how my dear friend D down the street said she thinks we spend too much time on the computer (which I think she said she did, but I am applying it to myself as well) and that is something that really needs to change. So true! I walked into my house and my husband is in the "media room" which used to be called the living room but since it's where we all converge to use our technological devices, that's its new nickname. He was watching tv since he had driven himself to church and had gotten home well before us. We spoke briefly, daughter complained that it was beginning to rain (which means she couldn't practice outside) and I headed to the computer.

Checked my email.

Thought about checking in on Facebook.

Instead I came to my blog. I started reading down the updates on the right-hand side. I came across a post by April @ Bring the Rain called The Tyranny of Choice. Now I'm going to be honest, I don't always check to see what is going on in the bloggy world like I used to so I was behind in my reading. I am so glad that I made the choice to check today. Because this article spoke to me. It spoke to that person inside of me who doesn't really know what she is doing with her life right now. It spoke to my inability to make a decision lately that I am comfortable with and sticking to it. Quite simply: It spoke to me.

I am hoping that, if you should stumble upon my page, you'll take the time to really read it and not just skim over the context. Allow it to speak to you. Listen....and you might just find some answers along the way.